Ladies let’s face it, we are majestic untamed creatures of beauty. To one another we are easy to read, black and white (with a flare of pink), we get it. However, for the men who are drawn to us, it’s like we speak another language. It’s impossible to count the number of times in a day the amazing man in my life stares at me blankly. “Uh, what?” And that brings me here…
8 Things Men Will
Understand About Women
1. Why it takes me 45 min to shower and takes him 3 min. Well first of all I shave at least 50% of my body… you shave what 4 inches on your face and maybe the same space south of the border if you happen to manscape. Shaving takes time so I don’t look like I showered with Edward Scissor Hands. Also I can’t take the bar of soap from my toes to the top of my head. Shampoo, rinse, repeat and conditioner takes time. That same bar of soap also washes your face, um no. I’m sorry I can’t do that. I have to exfoliate, wash and even use special soap to remove my eye makeup. I do my best thinking in the shower, where do you think this post idea came from? That’s right, the shower. So guys give us a break, while showering for you is a one stop shop, for us ladies… it’s an adventure that can’t be rushed.
2. Our desperate desire to talk baby talk to the, “Itty bitty wittle puppies, nahhhhhhh.” I don’t know why, it’s a compulsion. I see something fuzzy and suddenly I want to love it and hug it and squeeze it until their heads pop off. I don’t baby talk you about “cuddle wuddles” so let me talk to the adorable little ball of fluff with all the baby talk I can muster.
3. Why we cry when we read, watch a movie, or listen to music… I don’t know why. Why do you scream at the tv during football and baseball games? They can’t hear you, so why is it so crazy for me to be moved be an emotional roller coaster of words wether they be written, acted or sang. Perhaps if you’d read, The Fault in Our Stars, you’d ugly cry your face off too. Don’t judge me.
4. Our on again, off again, on again go around with food. When I say, “I’m going to eat healthy and see if I can fit in that pair of jeans right there.” This is not code for bring a home 1 pound block of chocolate for me. Yes that candy bar and you are super sweet… but that’s not helping my thighs fit into fabric. When I say healthy eating, leave the junk at the gas station.
5. Our love affair with all things makeup. Yes, I know I have 5 shades of pink lipstick…. and? Please note that they are all varying shades. Yes I do actually need not only onyx eye shadow, but also midnight express eyeshadow. No, they aren’t the same color. No they aren’t “just” black. Putting on eye makeup takes time, there are at least 3 colors on my eyes at any given moment. Sassy doesn’t happen, I don’t wake up with magically perfect tight lined eyes. Finally, please don’t laugh at me when I put on concealer, I know that I look like a princess in warpaint, but it will work itself out.
6. Why we still watch shows from our awkward teen years. Does it really matter if I like to watch Dawson’s Creek to fall asleep at night? I don’t judge you when you hum along to the Sports Center theme song. Deep down inside my heart I know that Dawson and Joey were meant to be together, so perhaps I watch the entire series to enjoy the moments where they lived happily ever high school. I know it’s childish, I know that I’m cough cough 30, but I honestly don’t care. I want to live in Capeside, I want to hang out on a Friday night while watching ET and I want to work at the Leary’s Fish place. Am I alone on this? Just me?
7. The phrase, “I don’t have ANYTHING to wear!” By you simply coming into my closet and pointing out the 100 clean articles of clothing, you aren’t helping. What, I don’t have anything to wear, means is…. I don’t have anything to wear at this exact moment. That shirt makes me look fat, that shirt makes my back look boney, those shorts aren’t the right color khaki for my tan, and this pair of shoes make my ankles look crocked. There is no science behind what I do or don’t have to wear, it’s a gut feeling. I have to be ready to have a commitment with my outfit, I have to love it and love it a lot.
8. “Nothing, everything’s fine.”…. RUN! Guys seriously learn that this phrase isn’t the end to a conversation, it’s just the beginning. Everything is not fine, I’m just not ready to talk about it, but when I am ready to talk about it you better watch out. So instead of skipping off the play xbox or softball with your guy pals, take heed… there’s a storm a brewn’. Take my advice, when you hear this phrase respond like this,”Okay sweetie, I love you if or when you want to talk about it I’m here to listen.” Boom it’s that easy. Then actually listen (I know that’s the hard part).
8. Why I like to be the one to do the laundry. Guy’s it’s really great that you want to help out being domestic and whatnot, but stay away from the laundry. You don’t know what needs to be hung to dry or the fact the bras shouldn’t see the inside of a dryer ever. That’s okay… you don’t wear bras, or at least I hope not. When it comes to the laundry room, walk away. Walk all the way to the kitchen and put your dishes IN the dishwasher instead of setting them on the counter above the empty dishwasher. You can even walk the garbage bags out to the street. Plenty of helpful household fun for you to have without shrinking my sweaters.
That pretty much wraps up my list, do you have anything to add? What do guys just not get about girls? Share in the comments.